OPINION
OPINION
Why I Joined the Line and Why You Should Too
Dear reader, I see your aimless wandering. I see how your legs move in no particular direction, your beat-up shoes shuffling on the cracked pavement, sluggishly making your way to your dead-end job. Doesn’t it ever feel like you might as well just… stand still? I was once like you. A walker, moving only in…
Does Ms. Jenson’s Class Need the Cooties Vaccine?
A disastrous, dastardly, doodoo disease has reared its dumb head in our homeroom. Surely you know what I am talking about. I speak of the catastrophic, cantankerous, c… C… I can’t say it… COOTIES!!! Oh. God… The disgust. The horror. It scares me so. Ever since that day. The day that Mary-Elise came to school…
Petition to Restore Purity in Children’s Literature
Dear Parents, I am writing today with grave concern about several so-called “classic” children’s books that have infiltrated our libraries and classrooms. Beneath their colorful covers lie dangerous messages meant to indoctrinate our children into radical ideologies, immoral lifestyles, and even witchcraft. Please read carefully and stand with me in demanding that these books be…
Guest ViewPoint
Guest Viewpoint: Brett Kavanaugh On White Claw
Look, I’m a beer guy; I like beer. It’s always been my beverage of choice. Tailgates, the big game, a much-needed refreshment after working out with the guys — I like beer. At least that’s what I thought. See, I was at this wild rager of a party last week. The theme of the night…