NEWS
BREAKING
Disney Announces Toy Story 79
Disney recently announced that Toy Story 79 has entered the pre-production stage. This is the 89th installment in the Toy Story franchise, which consists of 79 Toy Story films, five Lightyear spin-offs, four…
NEws
PINK PONY POPULISM
Chappell Roan and the Pink Pony Party haven’t been casual in their efforts to chip away at American democracy. The past two years have been marked by a growing far-right, authoritarian, and…
NEWS
In My Defense, Your Honor, I Was Traveling Through Time
It was ready. I had done it! After months of wiring, rewiring, soldering, re-soldering, moldering, re-moldering, folding, bending, pushing, and…
SMFA Student’s Art Installation Just Regular Bench; Everyone Too Afraid to Ask
The Tufts University community has been ripped with anxiety this week. Students and faculty grappled with what appears to be…
Second Coming of Christ Sees His Shadow, 600 More Years of Civilization
Jesus Christ finally came again to judge the living and the dead on Tuesday, as the Gospel foretold. The Son…
Tufts Study Abroad Program Expands to Jupiter and Mars
The Tufts study abroad program has officially expanded to Mars and Jupiter. That’s right, folks, for the 2090-2091 school year,…
Rainbow House Enacts New “Prove It” Policy
As the Rainbow House at Tufts has expanded, the number of applications has skyrocketed. Thus, the “Q’munity” house patrons announced…
Tufts Most Prestigious University in Boston
MEDFORD, MA — After a season of devastating storms and flooding, much of the Greater Boston area sank below sea…
INVESTIGATIVE
Dog DTD Claimed To Have Adopted Turns Out To Be 65 Year Old Cleaning Lady
The Tufts University community was thrilled when DTD revealed that they had adopted a dog into their frat-family. The brotherhood appeared to be orienting itself towards a family-friendly identity by welcoming a German Shepherd named Hildebrand into their home. Jill Zellmer, Executive Director of OEO, brightly remarked on this furry new campus presence. “Here’s one…
Anorexic Turkey Not Looking Forward to Being Stuffed this Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving. A celebration of that one time Pocahontas introduced John Smith to cranberry sauce. I have often reflected on the poignance of Thanksgiving: the joy it brings, the mouths it feeds, the way it appropriately articulates the plight of the indigenous peoples in the United States. Unfortunately, however, I have become aware that Thanksgiving is…