Hear me out.
Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. Saturday. Sunday. The way we’ve grown up, the way things should be. The way things were before the UN trespassed upon the Lord. I’ll never forget the day.
Breakfast, two weeks ago: I began to spread marmite across my bagel as the TV blared, “Breaking News; The United Nations has just declared that an eighth day will be added to the week. The new day will be called Grunsday and will happen in between Tuesday and Wednesday. The UN hopes that by slowing down the progression of time they can delay the effects of climate change.”
The bagel slipped out of my hand and landed facedown on the floor. Grunsday? I felt the familiar dread of losing a core belief seep into my soul. Suddenly, my work week was one day longer, and my weekend, in comparison, would feel that much shorter. How would I readjust my Google Calendar? I remember my vision going black; I woke up with a nasty headache in a Jimmy Johns on the side of a New Jersey highway.
I turn to you, reader, and I implore you to fight back. Say ‘No’ to Grunsday! Skip it! Correct the sheep who incorporate it into their lives. As Americans, we have the freedom to live the way we want; keep the Deep State out of my G-Cal. Does Hump Day mean nothing? Now, it’s just a shitty day with nothing magical or special about it. Also, what kind of name is Grunsday?
