GUIDES
THE ZAMBONI How-tos
Guides
How to Know if You’ve Been J.P. Licked
Have you ever woken up in the shadows of Davis Square, unsure of how you got there? Ever salivated over the prospect of making tongue-to-skin contact with the person closest to you? Well, we at the Zamboni believe that you may be entitled to compensation. Beyond the scope of Covid and Avian Flu, Boston’s newest…
GUIDES
Zam Polling™ the 2024 Election
ABSTRACT The polling division of the Zamboni surveyed the Tufts student body on who they intended to vote for in the 2024 presidential election and, crucially, how much money it would take to make them vote for the other candidate.…
Best Places on Campus to Have Sex
The map above has been annotated for your personal, or perhaps small group, enjoyment. Yes, all these places have been tested thoroughly by Zamboni staff. Yes, we used protection. No, we do not condone any love-making in Goddard Chapel (of…
Thinking About Stealing From the Dining Halls? Think Again: Dining Workers’ Burn Book Tells All
One misplaced book in the Dewick-McPhee Dining Hall threatens to unravel the very fabric of Tufts’ community. Encased within the faded leather cover of an unassuming diary reveals the vindictive attitude of the Dining Hall workers towards cutlery-thieves, messy eaters,…
Funding Your SMFA Degree: Seven Steps to Divorcing an Ivy League Student
STEP 1: Picking a targetYou aren’t just looking for any genius, you’re looking for a future member of the bourgeoisie. Luckily, there’s an easy tell: ask your prospect their thoughts on “The Matrix” (1999), “American Psycho” (2000), or any David…
