Welcome to Tufts! Welcome to hell! Between the humiliation and intense physical discomfort, being initiated as a first-year Jumbo can be rough. Luckily, The Zamboni’s got a few tips & tricks for getting through your Hell Week on the Hill.
- Don’t wear white
Think your favorite white summer dress will be the perfect fit for your day #1? Think again! Be prepared to get a little dirty. Stake out a laundry machine for when you get back from classes – you’ll thank us later.
- Painkillers!
Aspirin, Tylenol, and hydrocodone, oh my! Powerful all-purpose painkillers are a necessity for your cruel and unusual introduction to Tufts. Make sure to alternate medications.
- This too shall pass
Take a deep breath – You’ve got this! It may be tough now, but it will all be worth it in the end. Try some deep breathing exercises when the going gets really tough. Try separating your mind from the anguish of the physical realm.
- Travel only at Dawn and Dusk
You don’t want to be snatched and the best way to avoid being snatched is to avoid being seen! Travel in times of neither great light nor great darkness – It takes a while for their eyes to adjust.
- Avoid the Shrouded Ones
Legend has it that they come from the Mystic River, materializing out of misty river vapours once every year to terrorize the Hill’s newest residents. Precise descriptions are murky – They are said to have teeth of silt and hands of fog. It’s hard to hide from them, and if they catch you then bad bad things will happen.
- Don’t be afraid of the Hooded One
Although the Shrouded Ones are to be heavily avoided, the Hooded One is a friend. Word has it that the administration has him (or her!) on payroll to prevent the worst from happening during Hell Week. Allow yourself to fall into his (or her!) warm hooded arms, sucking away softly at the milk of sleep, assured of your safety and finally at peace.
- Seek out Charles Tufts
Tell him who sent you. Tell him everything – You must tell him everything. Grasp him by his coat lapels, shake him for dramatic effect, and explain to him exactly what you saw, just as you explained it to me. Let him know that we’re running out of time.
- Have fun!!!
The lilacs bloom in the heart of the hill and the heart of the hill bleeds the brown and the blue
A first-year Jumbo will faint and will swoon, and their lifeblood will water the sunset
‘Oer Medford afar come the shrouded and damned
Birthed to welcome the freshman, the mint sacred lamb
‘Pon the Hill will they pour, every year wishing more
So the light on the hill stays eternal
