Graphic by Sophie Nguyen
Chappell Roan and the Pink Pony Party haven’t been casual in their efforts to chip away at American democracy. The past two years have been marked by a growing far-right, authoritarian, and ultranationalist administration. We are knee-deep in a situation that is eating out our basic freedoms.
At 88 years old, some Americans questioned Roan’s ability to deal with the high cognitive demands of the presidency. During the 2089 presidential debate, Roan ignored policy questions, instead repeatedly stating that she was “Your favorite politician’s favorite politician,” and discussing LA clubs that she had enjoyed partying at.
Yet despite the self-proclaimed “Midwest princess’s” poor performance, she was elected the 56th president of the United States with an overwhelming 312 electoral vote majority. Moved by Roan’s promise to Make America Super Graphic and Ultra Modern Again (MASGUMA), a “Pink Wave” also ushered in Pink Pony Party Senate and House majorities. With five Pink Pony Supreme Court justices serving on the court already, President Roan entered into power with few checks and balances. The MASGUMA movement was dominant everywhere, and Roan was granted near-dictatorial power.
Beginning in February 2087, Roan’s government passed a series of Sedition Acts that eliminated White House press briefings and cracked down on media that challenged the Pink Pony Party. Roan argued that eliminating press briefings and political dissent was “really good for my mental health,” and “allowed me to focus on myself.” Roan explained in her State of the Union address that the fame and attention associated with being president was “overwhelming.”
Roan also faced criticism over the decision to relocate the US Capitol to Santa Monica. The Roan Administration’s plans for the new US Capitol involve “blacklights and a mirrored disco ball” as well as a dress code of “nothing but glitter and lashes.” Roan delivered the news through song in her first press briefing of the past two years, held at Coachella:
“I know you wanted me to stay, But I can’t ignore the crazy visions of me in LA”
Needless to say, Chappell Roan has sunk her canine teeth into the side of our country. The doomsday clock has struck after midnight.
