“Once the George Washington Card is played, the Unbreakable Treaty Card becomes void. God has spoken.”
Settlers of Catan: Manifest Destiny is the newest groundbreaking version of the Settlers of Catan game series. Dissatisfied with multiple Game of the Year awards and innumerable record-breaking iterations of the 1995 inaugural game, the Settlers of Catan game designers have upended the board game world by tapping into unexplored themes of settlement and colonization.
Where the original game only involved four players competing over territory and resources on the hexagonal island, the newest version of the game includes the “Native Catans,” Catan’s indigenous population represented by a fifth player. According to the reissued game description, written by fictional character Theodore Livingston: “The Native Catans are an indigenous community who have inhabited Catan for more than a millennia. The community’s cultural and social roots are deeply embedded within the island’s rich, yet delicate ecological systems—but is that what God really wants?”
According to the rulebook, unlike the four players who compete for resources to advance their colonies, the Native Catan player is forced to sacrifice any opportunity to pick up land and resource cards in exchange for receiving the Land Acknowledgement Card and the Amherst’s Mysterious Blanket Card. The game has similarly altered earlier game rules by amending The Robber’s role. The Robber had previously been a tool for stealing from
opponents and limiting their resource intake.
Settlers of Catan: Manifest Destiny stipulates that The Robber, no matter where he is placed on the board, only takes from the Native Catans. According to fictional character and land speculator Theodore Livingston, “Do you hear that whispering in the wind? It’s ever so slight… Yes! It’s God! He says it’s okay!” Settlers of Catan: Manifest Destiny further provides for the Killers of the Flower Moon Card. The card allows for a player low on resources to freely take from the Theodore Livingston Trust. Fictional character and race scientist Theodore Livingston serves as legal guardian for the Native Catans. Livingston, under the mandate of God and some obscurely worded paperwork, legally holds all Native ancestral territories and resources, graciously distributing wealth to those in need. According to Livingston, “look at those pitiable, poor, beautiful white faces. How could I deny them aid? God says give ‘em a hand! Oh… another whisper? God also says the Natives don’t have bootstraps for nothing.”
What’s this? Your fifth player is complaining that the rules are biased against the Native Catans? Settlers of Catan: Manifest Destiny has accounted for possible dissent and has included the “re-education round.” Any player (excluding players not playing as the Native Catans) who complains about potential bias or unfairness will enter the “re-education round,” in which they will be made to sit-out for 15 rounds to reflect upon their lack of integrity and motivation. Furthermore, Settlers of Catan: Manifest Destiny includes a Gideon’s Bible that the culprit is mandated to read. According to fictional character and syphilis carrier Theodore Livingston, the process of re-education “will teach the values of civilization and whiteness that God values above all else.”
Settlers of Catan: Manifest Destiny has fundamentally changed the market, forcing longtime competitors to reevaluate their strategy. The creators of Monopoly have attempted to compete with Settlers of Catan: Manifest Destiny by introducing Monopoly: Landlord Vs. Tenant, in which “players must safeguard the Landlords against Tenants’ greedy aspirations for basic necessities.” Settlers of Catan: Manifest Destiny is the perfect opportunity to gather your friends and one person you don’t feel too strongly about and sit down for a game — board games have never been so American!
