The Tufts community has been shaken to its core. Upon finding its food source depleted, the worm that previously inhabited the brain of RFK Jr. has found a new home in the skull of Sunil Kumar. Due to the worm’s activities, Sunil Kumar’s behavior has become increasingly erratic. For one, Kumar announced a new student speaker series at Tisch College dubbed Unsilencing the Silenced. In a statement, Kumar said, “This new set of speakers will allow our Jumbos to ask the big questions such as what’s really in the various fish dishes at Dewick.”
Most bizarrely, there have been sightings of a man, similar in appearance to
Sunil Kumar, collecting the carcasses of dead bunnies (among other animals). One student anonymously reported to The Zamboni that she saw a man goading a bunny with a carrot to cross Boston Avenue, only for the animal to be pancaked by a semi. The man then gleefully retrieved the remains before frolicking back to the Gifford House. When asked for comment on the matter, President Kumar said he had no knowledge of a man collecting dead carcasses, but that it seemed like a harmless and entertaining hobby.
Those closest to Sunil Kumar are said to be worried about the worm’s effect on the man
they love. They tried to bring him to Health Services several times, however this was made difficult since Kumar had previously ordered Health Services to only be open on Wednesdays to encourage students to practice medical resilience. When Kumar was finally admitted, he was given a singular Tylenol pill and a Q-tip to try to dig the worm out. Rather than using such the University’s medical care, Kumar has instead opted for some “mystery medicine,” which he found when browsing on the seventh page of Google. Unfortunately, the cure was futile, and the worm continues to afflict our dear President Kumar.
