In honor of our graduating seniors, we have put together some senior profiles! Congratulations, and long live The Zamboni!
Sid Smeerman (BA, Computer Science)
“I feel like going to Tufts has made me more certain about who I am and who I want to be. It’s allowed me to move through the world with a better understanding of what I want to do” said senior and felon Sid Smeerman. Smeerman is thankful to the professors and administrators who helped him complete his degree even as he sat trial for and was convicted of fjkdsafjdkfjkdfjkdajfakdjfdfdfjkdsafjhdjfhdjfhjdf and also adjhfjdffdf dfdfdfsdfdsfsdfdfdfdfdfdfdfdfdf although he claims he never ‘difhdafhdfjdfjahd afhdfhdfkdfkasdkfsdkjfkdjfkdjfkjdkfjdkfjkdjfkdjfkjdkfjdkfjkdjfkdjfkjdkfjdkfjkdjfkdjfkjdfkjdkfjdkj,’ a claim that the court found was unsubstantiated. Smeerman looks back fondly on all he learned during his time as a computer science student, lessons that the prosecution claimed helped him to adfhjdhfdjjdjfjdhfjdfdfdfdfdffddfdfddfdfdfdfd with all the carnage and screaming and pleading for help.
Smeerman loved to sing with Tufts Enchanted and was a member of the Tufts Rocketry Club.
Alastair Sinclaire (BA, Economics)
“It’s hard to really recount the full significance of my time spent at Tufts,” senior Alastair Sinclaire said, recounting the full significance of his time spent at Tufts.
Sinclaire, as a member of the Men’s Squash team, helped to keep Tufts from the NESCAC Championship during his tenure. “They’re just so small” he commented, referring to the black rubber balls used to play the game. Teammates said they will miss his “morose, draggy” personality on the courts and will be hard pressed to find such a “pathetically willing scapegoat” to blame their consistent losses on this coming year. Sinclaire was also a member of the Tufts Amalgamates, where his “raspy, unpleasant baritone” helped to professionalize their future audition processes.
Alastair, heir to the Sinclaire Pineapple Corporation, is looking forward to selling pineapples for the rest of his post-graduation life.
Patterson Handerson Pembleton Pee-Pee (BA, Psychology)
Patterson Handerson Pembleton Pee-Pee found his time at Tufts to be “entirely pleasant and delightful”, commenting particularly on his fondness for “those little tea sandwiches they serve at Dewick Macphie.” “Scrumptious!” he remarked, reminiscing on the flavor of fresh cucumber mingling with whipped Philadelphia cream cheese. He licked his lips, imagining just one more pillowy bite of his favorite afternoon snack. “I shall miss such deliciousness”, he said, “I shall miss it deeply and dearly.”
Pembleton Pee-Pee was also a member of the Tufts Daily, where he wrote an acclaimed column on the Israel-Palestine conflict.
Brayden Greene (BA, Women and Gender Studies)
“Katy, Becky, Lauren, Jeremy, Adelaide, Mimi, a different Lauren, Cassie, and I think one or two more” listed Brayden Greene as he attempted to recount the impressive roster of Tinder matches he’d made during his time at Tufts. “They never materialized to like a real-life date or anything, but I think I got pretty close” Greene said, scrolling through his Matched page and checking for any responses to his Chat-GPT-generated pick-up lines. Greene also remarked on the success he’d found on Snapchat. “65 days”, he proudly remarked, as he showed us a Snap Streak he’d had with what was clearly a Porn Bot. Greene will be attending UCLA for a master’s in Ethno-musicology next semester, where he hopes his luck with the ladies can continue.
N. Joyce Cumming (BA, Poli-Sci & Theatre)
N. Joyce Cumming has been with The Zamboni for all four years of her Tufts Career. She has been such a star in the club, and has enjoyed bringing a new voice and fabulous look to our pages. She hopes to perform on the ‘runway’ in Boston, but we’re not so hopeful that Boston Logan will let her do that. But a girl can dream!
When asked what the funniest thing that happened to her at The Zamboni was, she said “Probably the part where everyone thought I was a woman. Sometimes I’d show up out of my normal clothes and nobody recognized me.”
What a jokester!
We hope you will miss us as much as we will, Ms. Cumming!
Ichsabod Hammer (BFA, SMFA), (he/they)
Hammer is graduating from the SMFA with an impressive final portfolio that remarks on their experience fighting in the French & Indian War through a medium of “graphite, pastel, and pig’s blood on torn canvas.” His portfolio, titled “The Battle of Jumonville Glen,” intends to provide a political message critiquing the British Pitt government’s handling of logistics during the war. They admit that their message could come across as “biting, incendiary even”, but welcomes the discourse that his artwork could provoke.
Though currently dying of tuberculosis, Hammer hopes he’ll still be around next fall to welcome members of the Tufts community to his new gallery opening. On display will be a series of statuettes representing the entire Continental Congress as they would be at a queer club in Berlin.
