Graphic by Gabriel Currie
By the time you are finished reading this article, not only will you be able to predict the date of the next Taylor Swift release with razor-sharp precision, but you will also be able to use your numerology powers to predict the next Taylor Swift release on any date of your choosing. With razor-sharp precision, of course.
The foundation for any aspiring Taylor Swift numerologist is Taylor’s lucky number 13. Any time you see an instance of the number 13, it is a sign from Taylor. The more obscure, the better. It may seem to your mere mortal eyes that Taylor could not have possibly impacted the number of empty cans in the bottom of your recycling. But the more unlikely it seems, the more certain you can be that it was somehow her doing. You must always be attuned to any and all instances of the number 13 in your life. It is of the utmost importance. Whatever numbers precede 13 are the month when her next single will drop. Whatever numbers succeed 13 are the day of said month. Unless you are in Europe, in which case it is reversed. Or if the numbers are too high or too low or don’t align with the astrology sign in your seventh house. Stay vigilant, Swifties.
And yet, there comes an inevitable time in any Taylor Swift numerologist’s life when the number 13 is nowhere to be found. When you are met with an adverse situation such as this, keep your head and don’t panic. Math is your best friend in a situation like this. Addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division. PEMDAS. Add numbers, then divide them. Take some out if it doesn’t come out to 13. Keep retrying. Check your work. Remember that any 1 only needs a 3 to be a 13. Any 3 only needs a 1.
If 13 is still nowhere to be found, then you may proceed to the backup numbers. Keep an eye out for mentions of 1989, the year Taylor was born. Yes, this includes discussion of the Tiananmen Square massacre– why do you think its initials are T.S.? Remember that 87 is Travis Kelce’s jersey number. Taylor’s middle name is Allison, which starts with an A, which corresponds to a 1. Her father’s birth month is March, which corresponds to 3. Her enemy, Scott Borchetta shares a first name with her father, which also associates him with a 3. The combination of the 1 and the 3 into Taylor’s 13 are an indication of the duality of good and evil present within our favorite pop performer. Actually, duality isn’t good enough. 2 doesn’t even go into 13. Shit. How can I make this work? Shit? Vigilante shit. That’s off her 11th album. 11 + 2 = 13. I’ve done it. But wait, what was I saying? It doesn’t matter. It must come out to 13. It must. It must. It must! 13! 113! 13!13!13!
