“It was so powerful when she started humping the stage,” Alyssa said. “It made me feel so seen as a fellow woman oppressed by the patriarchy—I felt so emboldened to reject the tyrannical grasp of men that I went straight home, broke up with my boyfriend and gave myself five orgasms.” This powerful statement was one of many the Zamboni received while interviewing concertgoers the day after Lorde took her “Ultrasound” tour to TD Garden. Although the singer’s concert rituals may seem completely opaque to outsiders, these fans were able to completely demystify them for the benefit of our FOMO-ridden readers.
“I think the most metaphorical part was when she started walking on the treadmill,” Michael commented. “To me it represented the endless toil of the lower class under an American capitalist society.” (Ed. note: As he spoke, Michael was transcribing every word into what appeared to be his weekly Expository Writing discussion post.)
“I thought it was a statement on women’s unattainable beauty standards,” Amelia added. “Her whole life is a performance, and even while on stage she has to work out in order to stay thin.” In response, Michael asked if we were still discussing The Great Gatsby.
“I liked the one where she took off her shirt,” said Maddy, who had been completely entranced by the singer’s Calvin Klein boxers, which were displayed on the screen from different hypnotic angles for the entirety of the 3-minute song. Maddy in fact had no idea what song was playing—or that there even was a song playing. “The performance was just so moving,” she said.
At request of our fans, the Zamboni scored an exclusive interview with Lorde to discover the true meaning behind her performance art. Unfortunately, as soon as we asked, Lorde shushed us and started singing “Writer in the Dark.”
