Our distinguished high priest of finance Michael Brain has kindly taken the time between ketamine hits to answer your burning questions with the savvy street wisdom you can trust.
Dear Mr. Brain,
My addiction to crypto gambling is putting my marriage at risk. I lost our retirement savings on Sludgecoin and my wife says she’ll leave me if I don’t get help, but I still feel the winning ticket is just around the corner. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Child Support
Dear Child Support,
Good riddance, I say. Every divorce filing is just another chance for profit. Selling my divorce papers as NFTs was the best choice I ever made. The blockchain is hotter than a woman ever could be. My new Metaverse wife loves my investment strategies. She knows I’m always right. Setbacks like this are just part of the path to wealth. My new cryptocurrency project, Vaporcoin, could be just the thing you need to turn everything around. Our allegorical asset market has a trading volume in numbers that don’t even exist yet. Every picosecond is a new all-time high and the perfect chance to get in early!
Dear Rev. Brain,
I’m an aspiring young entrepreneur, but I don’t know where to find motivation. Where do you find yours?
Sincerely,
Grindset
Dear Grindset,
The CEO mindset isn’t just a practice, it’s a lifestyle. You need to wake up screaming in mortal terror, wearing only a blindingly white t-shirt. I have a special fridge full of raw eggs, all spiked with the best deliriants money can buy. If you’re not having convulsions by 6:00 A.M. you’re just not CEO material. Not everyone has the constitution to meditate in the pain cave.
Dear Mr. Brain,
I have a stable job and some modest savings, but I’ve grown exhausted of the 9 to 5 and I’m looking for ways to become financially independent. What are my options?
Sincerely,
Seeking Escape
Dear Escape,
Financial freedom is beating down the door. Passive income is waiting for you at the end of a long, dark alley with a machete. You need to brutalize your finances before they do the same to you. With inflation, the male sexual market value isn’t what it used to be. If you aren’t at least a tier-one enhanced sigma male with a vertical canthal tilt there’s no hope left for you. Your bonemashing game has to be on point. Micro fractures are beta shit. Macro fractures are what make real men. Only then do you see the real lobotomy insight. This is when you discover you are a vessel for primeval economic warfare, and there will be no survivors. When you can stare directly at the sun, and know that it hates. That’s how you’ll know you’ve finally beat the market.
