Graphic by Henry Barraclough
Hello, Highlightz readers! My name is Calvin, and I used to be a Very Hungry Caterpillar. But I wasn’t happy. I was always tired, my skin was a mess, and I felt… well, blah. This is the story of how I took control of my health and transformed into the beautiful butterfly I am today!
DAY 1: THE WAKE-UP CALL
On Monday, I ate through one whole apple. But I felt so sluggish. I knew it was the pesticides. My friend, a very enlightened centipede, said I was probably carb-intolerant and suffering from systemic inflammation.
DAY 2: THE BINGE (Don’t Try This At Home)
I fell off the wagon. Hard. It started with two organic pears, but then I found myself spiraling. A slice of salami (the nitrates!), a cupcake (the refined sugar!), a piece of cherry pie (the gluten!). I felt so bloated and guilty. I knew I needed a big change.
DAY 3-6: THE CLEANSE
I committed to a radical new protocol. I ate only through one supple, green organic leaf per day. It was tough, but I focused on my hydration and my mantra: “I am light. I am air. I am not hungry, I am healing.”
THE BIG STEP: MY SACRED COCOON TIME
Everyone calls it a “chrysalis.” I call it my Wellness Pod (now available for purchase on my website, GetCocoonedBitch.com, at a 50% discount!). For two whole weeks, I committed to a strict routine of intermittent fasting (I fasted for 23.5 hours a day) and deep, introspective meditation. It wasn’t easy, but true transformation never is.
MY REBIRTH!
When I emerged, I wasn’t just a butterfly. I was a new being! I had shed my old, toxic self. Now, I start my days with hot pilates on a sunflower and fuel my body with GT’s artisanal kombucha. I don’t even think about chocolate cake anymore. (Well, maybe sometimes. I’m only human. I mean, insect). My journey shows that with willpower and the right cleanse, you can transform into your most beautiful self!
Parental Note: Calvin’s story is a testament to personal growth, though the American Association of Pediatric Lepidopterists recommends a balanced diet for growing caterpillars and advises against extreme fasting without consulting a doctor. Calvin also supplemented with Ozempic. Results may not be identical.
