Graphic by Zed van der Linden
The thing about a good spell is that the magic truly originates from within. A successful potion can come from all sorts of common ingredients, for it is your wizardly intentions which give the spell its power. These powerful incantations can help make chores more fun, stop bullies, and even make you fly! I’ve gathered these recipes during my 900 or so long years of life, yet recently I’ve begun to feel that the sacred knowledge of sorcery has been gatekept for far too long. As a wise wizard once said “with great responsibility comes great power” so be sure to use good judgement when using these magicks.
Flying Potion (CAUTION: only use indoors)
- 3 pumps shampoo
- 7 tsp vanilla extract
- A dash of dog hair
Health Potion
Go into the woods and find a red mushroom with white spots. Dry for 2-3 weeks, grind into a fine powder. Combine with rum and jasmine tea in a bubbling cauldron*. Steep for no more than 78 seconds or …. Let cool and drink (should restore 15 HP if concocted correctly)
*Note: Only use bubbling cauldron with adult supervision
Friendship Spell (will make anyone your friend)
- 4 ft of string
- Some glittery beads
- Mamma Mia! the movie
Invisibility Potion (doesn’t affect clothing)
Ask everyone around you to close your eyes
Fireball Spell
- Can of AquaNet Hairspray
- Pack of Matches
Invincibility Potion
- 80mg Methamphetamine
Truth Serum
- Small white cloth
- A health dose of bleach
- Just a dash of ammonia
Boobs Bigger Spell
- Buy a Victoria Secret Bombshell and tell no one
Love Spell (See make Boobs Bigger Spell)
- Crushed little blue pill from you dad’s nightstand
- Horny goat weed
- Nugenix
