By 2137, the Effective Altruists (EA) had solved everything. The global coalition of spreadsheet-wielding utilitarians announced that poverty, disease, and moral uncertainty had been reduced to statistically irrelevant levels. Mosquito populations had been ethically eliminated long before, negative carbon emissions posed the threat of a new ice age, and every human being was guaranteed at least 4.7 (and at most 5.2!) impact-focused, evidence-based, and cost-effective sources of purpose per day.
The fallout was widespread. Economists were unemployed, therapists counseled people on how to feel appropriately conflicted in a utopia, and philosophy departments were forced to disband because of the lack of ethical dilemmas.
Even still, the Effective Altruists were relentless. The next two decades of a comparatively restrained agenda (everyone lived in bliss, after all!) were underscored by a collective understanding that their work was not done. Anticipation mounted for the 150th anniversary EA Summit, as rumor spread that something monumental was in the works.
“We’ve already minimized suffering in sentient beings,” 215-year-old Peter Singer, credited with launching the modern animal rights movement, announced. “But we must bravely continue on.” Singer outlined the organization’s next white paper, “Project Tranquility: Nonexistence as the Ultimate Charity.” The paper argued that the ultimate act of compassion was not to improve existence, but to limit it by reducing the number of organisms capable of suffering to the smallest morally acceptable integer.
