Graphic by Henry Barraclough
Ava ran her fingers along the desk, catching black plastic beneath her thumb. Professor Edelman’s hands moved dramatically as he ranted and raved about castration. Despite her love of Freud, Ava was bored. The stuffy air of the Crane Room clawed at her throat.
Ava found her eyes drawn to the window on her left, staring blankly at the brown snow. Suddenly, she spotted the creature — a comely man, possessing wavy hair and an eight-pack along with the lower body of a light brown, shapely horse. My word, Ava thought. Gods be good. No one else even acknowledged the beast. Perhaps he was a mirage. As if in a trance, Ava rose from her desk. The centaur met her eyes and they gazed upon each other wordlessly for what felt like a millenium.
He bit his lip and scowled. “Come.”
The centaur galloped ahead, the snow crunching beneath his hooves. The beast’s gigantic member was unsheathed, bouncing wildly in the wind. Ava, ever the knowledgeable horse girl, knew that a horse cock was usually protected by a sheath. Unless he was erect. She blushed at the thought.
She quickly fell behind, her two puny legs failing to keep up with the beast’s four (well, five) strong ones. Ava walked cautiously down the icy Memorial Steps. The centaur’s descent, though, was graceful, gallant even. Blank-faced students paid the majestic beast no mind. Could they even see him? Could they even see it? Ava thought.
When she finally stepped foot on College Avenue, the centaur looked back at the winded Ava sternly. “It’ll be better if you ride me,” he said. Her cheeks turned bright red.
She mounted the beast. It felt perfectly right. No saddle was even necessary. Together, they galloped swiftly across downhill campus. Ava clung to the centaur’s toned hips, marvelling at their firmness as the breeze ran through her hair. Chestnut brown, the same color as the centaur she rode. His labored panting was music to her ears. Soon enough, the Tufts campus grew smaller and smaller, fading until it was nothing but a distant memory. Ava and her centaur came upon a dark oak forest. Was this still even Massachusetts? Twigs snapped as the centaur’s hooves made contact with the forest floor.
“What now?” Ava asked. The stallion grunted. The centaur’s leg muscles flexed, his mane blowing through the wind majestically. Me likey. She almost said it out loud. Suddenly, Ava heard the crunching of leaves in the brush around her.
Other creatures, like her savior, encircled her. They whinnied with anticipation. They were centaurs too except instead of a chiseled human torso and the toned lower half of a horse, these beasts were inverted. They had long, equine faces and hairy torsos, coupled with flabby and wholly unimpressive lower halves. Ava drew back in fear.
“Not what you were expecting, Ava?” One of the beasts said. They held torches with five-fingered hooves. Looking for protection, she turned to her centaur and…Oh no! He, too, was one of these creatures. Had he been this way the entire time? The centaur’s long, furry face protruded outwards, bringing his mouth inches from hers.
“Why the long face?” His equine jaws flapped. Ava’s eyes wandered to his naked lower half. His new legs were skinny and unmuscular. His member was tiny, shriveled, and too humanlike.
“Abomination! Abomination! Ambomination!” Ava screamed.
“Why? Because I don’t have a horse cock?” Her beast asked.
Ava hesitated awkwardly. “No…it’s just…”
The beast interrupted, “Tell the truth!” The other creatures started towards Ava, torches in hand and hostile looks in their wide, horsey eyes.
“Tell the truth!” The creatures were now speaking in unison, coming closer and closer to Ava. “Tell the truth! Tell the truth! Tell the truth!”
“No, I swear,” she shouted.
“Tell the truth! Tell the truth!” The woods echoed with their words.
“Fine! I wish you all had hot human abs and horse cocks. Sue me!
“We got her!” Her beast said with zeal.
The creatures all turned to each other excitedly, tittering with their huge mouths. They, then, all removed monstrous skin suits. The inverse-centaur costumes fell to the creatures’ knees, revealing their true form. Little grey things. Aliens, Ava thought. Her beast, who was now a three-foot tall grey ball with big eyes and eight limbs, spoke into a metallic transmitter. Ava somehow knew he was speaking to their mothership.
“Beam us up and destroy this planet. They like horse cock.”
