It started for me, as it does for most Prophets, with a nagging feeling. A little voice in the office saying, You didn’t deserve that promotion. You’re a bootlicker! A goofball!
When I felt the trembling of knees at my desk and the pooling of sweat in my armpits, I knew that something had to change. But I knew that the change could not come from H.R. Yes, change to come from within – from the Department of My Soul.
Now, I’m not religious at all – I believe in science and B.D.S.M. – but I found it helpful to think of my mental health struggle in very worldly, borderline spiritual terms. I took one religion class in college because I’m a good liberal, and by reflecting on my education, I realized that there was a Holy War, a jihad inside of me being waged between Self-Esteem and Self-Doubt.
And only one of them could stay.
A Holy War, of course, is not passive. It requires you to fight back. To throw some punches, to fire a few shots. To take out a few civilians. To take a lap around the office when you feel your leg falling asleep. To treat yourself to a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia because you deserve it, baby.
The Prophet Muhammad once said, “If you can dream it, you can do it.”
And you know what? That’s exactly what I did.
My positive attitude at work gave me a brand-new outlook on life. I saw things clearer, suddenly. I realized that I was indeed a bootlicker – but I was licking the army boots of Self-Doubt, not the loafers of my boss. And so Self-Doubt was the real goofball all along.
Now that Self-Esteem has taken the wheel and taken out Self-Doubt, I am soaring. But it’s lonely up here. So I encourage you to be brave, my friend. Follow me. Take a stand in your own psychic battles. Be a warrior, be a jihadist!
