Graphic by Raili Bourne
From menthol cigarettes to Birthday Cake JUUL pods, Big Tobacco has evolved so many ways to maximize pleasure and coolness. Thank you, BT! Now, Dirty Puffs bring you the newest technology in smoking and in life: PuffGPT. Our unique electronic nicotine delivery system combines the best of craveability, convenience, and creation by soldering on a mini computer and screen with ChatGPT installed. The computer reads your brainwaves every time you take a hit, senses what you’re thinking about, and feeds that information to the AI algorithm so it can make every decision you ever need to make for you! You’ll never have to think again. It’s your new brain, right in your pocket, in seven different flavors!
Gone are the moments spent struggling with a shitty Bic lighter or stressing out over making decisions and having thoughts about your day-to-day happenings. With our new vape, you can seamlessly huff, and puff, and blow your thoughts down with a delicious hit of Lemon Lime Large Language Models (LLLLM) or Grok Grape! Our good friend Chat processes your brainwaves and hormones as you breathe in to sense what you’re thinking about, and then transforms those thoughts into spoken words by using state-of-the-art voice bots. Choose from a wide variety of voices to read out your most inner thoughts, ranging from Joe Rogan to talk about politics very smartly or Kamala Harris to have a nice laugh.
We haven’t even begun using generative artificial intelligence at its full power. We promise to keep updating our vape collection every single time there is a change in AI so YOU can get the most recent technology, no matter how much plastic and investor funding we waste. Here at Dirty Puffs, we want to fill your life to the brim with flavors, vapor, smoke, and excitement.
Go online to wedirtyyoupuff.net and order yours today!
“I bought mine second-hand and it still works like a charm! Really a testament to the quality. I feel my lungs shrivel and crack like delicious Jiffy Pop! Yummy!” – Madielighynn, 19
“I love the No Mo’ Amazon Apple flavor, it’s the perfect relaxer while I play DOOM on the screen” – Dylan, 23
“This product was life-changing! Its size makes it so convenient to slip into my pocket and bring it to the bathroom, and my teacher hasn’t caught on! I’ve passed all my tests because of it. It’s basically my new best friend. Wish me luck on my final!” — Anonymous, totally not underaged
Available next to the salvia at a convenience store near you.
