If a boyfriend falls in a forest and nobody is around to see him, does he exist?
The answer to that question is, of course, no.
“It’s similar to how light particles behave differently when they’re being looked at,” quantum physicist Dr. Kathy Bartnik said. “But… far more profound.”
Dr. Bartnik is at the helm of a groundbreaking scientific study that seeks to understand how people who do not post on Instagram function in society – a topic so thoroughly uninteresting that nobody has ever bothered to research it.
“These people,” Dr. Bartnik said, “They… make dark matter look like Forrest Gump.”
In order to conduct the research without being moved to suicidal thoughts or actions, Dr. Bartnik’s team followed the emotionally, socially, and sexually fulfilled lives of people who do post on Instagram.
“Here’s my last semester dump,” Tufts University senior Lea Sanchez said, scrolling through one of her posts. “My own birthday party, me holding a wine glass at a restaurant, going out picture where we’re all turned to the side, picture where my eyes are wide open but my friend is mid-blink…” She paused, looking up from her phone. “Everyone needed to see this.”
But that’s not all that Sanchez contributes to society.
“I re-post infographics on my Instagram story regularly,” she said. “That way, my followers that already have the same political opinions as me can be educated.”
Another striking positive example is Tufts sophomore Ryan LaMotte.
“The caption is ‘tuff luck,’” LaMotte said of his most recent post. “There’s a shot of me from behind, then one of me and my friends looking serious at a party with our hands over our crotches. I also show that I am a boy and do boy things like sport and fish.”
So what do Sanchez and LaMotte’s lives say about the lives of non-posters?
Dr. Bartnik shrugged. “Pictures or it didn’t happen.”
