In what may become an act of political suicide, Tufts Community Union Treasurer Dhruv Sampat, announced that TCU would be cutting funding for on-campus publications, presumably in an effort to suppress dissent.
“Our new policy aims to pivot the Tufts media landscape to a digital format, which would ensure that no one reads the criticism of my boss,” his media staffer said.
The funding cut was announced in the wake of allegations of embezzlement against TCU senators.
The Zamboni investigative team was unable to confirm what the embezzled funds were used for, but neighbors reported a suspicious amount of cocaine and hookers coming and going from Sampat’s residence.
That son-of-a-bitch Sampat came to power last year after rigging the TCU election against David Van Riper, the true winner of the treasurer position. David is now forced to be the treasurer for The Zamboni, where he has access to a much smaller pool of money to embezzle. Worst of all, David enjoys none of the cocaine or hookers that he dreamed of when he applied to Tufts.
