NEWS
A Soulful Word on Beginning
This morning, as my joints tingled in anticipation for the 6:30 a.m. industrial garbage trucks, and my lower back ached in fond remembrance of the trusty…
Message to a Penis Padawan
Welcome, young penis padawan! Your training begins today. I will help you – I am the Penis Jedi. I was born of the Penile people on…
The Sink’s Secret Menu
LAVENDER MARRIAGE: Earl grey latte coupled with lavender syrup THE GREEN LINE: Regular matcha latte; You’ll have to wait 8-12 minutes, but it gets the job…
More Mormon, Less Problems
We all had dreams of attending the best universities America has to offer, but, somehow, we ended up at Tufts instead. While many of you eggheads…
A Warning to the Club Curious
Freshmen, this is a warning. Many of you have anticipated joining clubs all summer, eager to get involved in extracurriculars and immerse yourselves in the Tufts…
Help! I Peaked in High School!
When you threw that graduation cap up in the air, you thought you threw your life away along with it. There is no need to be…